I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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