Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
