But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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