He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
