So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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