i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
