I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
