I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
