Umm I'm too high to move.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
