also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
