woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
