She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
