I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
