And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
