I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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