I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
