I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
