I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
