I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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