I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
