I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
