Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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