Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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