why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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