I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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