Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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