you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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