i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
