i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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