So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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