I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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