soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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