And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
