this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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