I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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