I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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