this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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