I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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