ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
