She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
