i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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