I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
