people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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