there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
