I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
