John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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