I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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