We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
porn star boner night. come get it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
