I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
