Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
