If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
