I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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