i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
