A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
