in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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