Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
